When the blog post you were on the fence about ends up accidentally permanently deleting itself just before publishing it, that's the universe telling you, "Not this one." I'll give you the gist of it which was that I found myself surprised by an answer to one of those stupid quizzes that we all take - you know the ones that tell you what 1940's movie actress you are or what your 90's theme song is. A couple weeks after getting home from our 'round the world trip, having finished in New Zealand, one of those quizzes told me New Zealand is the country I should be living. The lesson here is take them all with a grain of salt. But, when I filled in the answers to the quiz, "What city should you be living in?" I felt like I was circling answers that reminded me of New York, like, "yes, I thrive in chaos."
To my surprise, the answer came back "Los Angeles." Then I went on to talk about how actually, yes, the chaos has always been in Los Angeles and how New York City was a reinvention and since coming home, everything is confrontation - old friends, old memories, old ghosts. I think I have probably written about it too much at this point. My husband did give me a "red card" for missing New York and I know it is not becoming to mope about on the internet about the place I miss when life here is pretty easy and pretty wonderful. The weather is better, the living spaces are bigger and in one day I can choose to snowboard in the morning and have happy hour on the beach (and yes, I have done this before!)My family is here and I am playing catch up and hanging out with my godsons and getting to know two of my oldest friends' amazing little girl. I am getting to know my mother and getting to help my brother bounce ideas as he plans for his wedding. I know that I am a very lucky girl. I have no reason to be unhappy, especially after doing what we have done. But in the words of Obama, change is messy, and right now, I'm just in the thick of it. So, I hope you will forgive me for talking about this transitional stuff so much! The post I wrote that got deleted also talked about a conversation I heard about the direct correlation between having no boundaries and having no fun. And I had a lot to say about it, but right now, I'm just tired. My eyes are practically closing, so I think I will take the hint and go to bed. Maybe tomorrow I'll write a more flowery post called "Finding Home" and talk about all that stuff, but for now, I am very grateful to be headed to a cozy bed. Goodnight.