Friday, February 1, 2013
The Last Time I Said I Love You
My Dad knows me in a way that no one else does. He doesn't know me how my friends know me or even how my husband knows me, but in a way that pierces straight through my core and speaks to that kid inside me that is still struggling so much. And if there is a parent I take after, it is definitely him. We are both storytellers, both sensitive, both the oldest child (bossy by nature), both curious, both have a temper, and both struggle with so many of the same internal road blocks. When I lament about my life decisions over the last decade and how I've gotten really good at managing other people's lives and yet I still don't know what I want to do with mine, he says, "Me neither!" Which makes us both laugh. "It's the journey," he says and reminds me that it's all out of my hands anyway. For so long I've tried to live life on my terms, but the truth is, the only way to live is on life's terms.
When I was 26, I received this HUGE medical bill and I thought debt agencies were coming after me for $10,000 and I was hysterical, scared, angry and obsessively looking into anything I could to protect myself. My dad had said to me, "Sweetie, you gotta learn to roll with the punches." In other words, it was not the end of the world. I could also ask for help in understanding the bill and I could also negotiate for myself. My reaction was to fight, defend, push back. When really the best thing to do was to not react and take it a step at a time. In the end, the bill went away with the gracious help of a receptionist at the doctor's office and a helpful insurance agent.
When we hung up today, I felt better than I had all week. We always sign off with "Love you" but sometimes that also means "Thank you."