Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Top Twenty Pet Peeves - A Little Attitude With Your Morning Joe

20. People who are not ready to swipe their metrocard and block the turnstile until they have fished out their card. This especially peeves me in the morning when I can hear my train rolling into the station.

19. Static Electricity. I HATE getting shocked and I want to shave my head when the weather dries out my hair and it sticks to my face, coat, scarf, anything with heat.

18. Sitting next to a "talker" in a movie theatre.

17. Sitting next to a "talker" on an airplane.

16. When cab drivers sigh/grunt after I tell them I'm going to Brooklyn. Yeah, Brooklyn! And I want you to take the Manhattan Bridge, too!

15. When people pick something off their plate and eat it at the salad bar, lick their fingers, and then pick up the tongs I was just about to use. This especially peeves me at the height of flu season.

14. When people learn I'm from California and ask me why the hell I'm living here. This especially peeves me in the dead of winter. I don't know, asshole. Why don't you tell me.

13. When people are so fake, they kind of make me fake causing us to greet each other in these false high-pitched voices that we seem to only use for each other.

12. Chapped Lips that never fucking heal.

11. People who tell me I should really try something. It almost always implies I would be "better" if I tried what they thought I needed. Dude, can't you just accept me where I'm at?

10. Theatre spelled as "theater." Respect.

9. Girls who run with their hair down. Who are you kidding? That is definitely annoying.

8. Wind.

7. When people use Facebook to rant about how this country is owned and run by corporations. Fight the system...I guess?

6. When people say "Cheer up!" Fuck you.

5. People who actually follow through with their goals. What? You think your better than me? I could do that...starting tomorrow.

4. When people other than my dad call me "sweetie" or "sweetheart" or any other version of a cutsie pet name.

3. Socks that won't stay up.

2. When people ask me a question we both already know the answer to, in order to illustrate a point or exercise authority.  Read: Exhaust my patience. Does one learn passive aggressiveness or is it something one is born with?

1. Food in the teeth. Whether it's me or you. As a woman who survived braces for two years in high school, I developed an obsession with making sure there was never food caught in my braces. I check my teeth regularly after meals and usually point out to friends and always to Mike if I see the smallest fleck of pepper, or corner of basil leaf in a place it should not be. I have stuck all sorts of weird objects in between my gums to make sure that parsley was gone.

Et tu?

3 comments:

SteveB said...

I am definitely NOT a talker, either -- on trains or planes or coffee shops. My boss doesn't understand this -- he thinks everyone is an opportunity for a new connection or interesting tidbit. (That's why he's the business person.) I think my open book and lack of interest beyond "Hello" or "Good morning" get my disinterest across!

Lindsey said...

Ha! I hear ya!

Brie said...

Hahahahahaha- Cheer up! FUCK YOU.
Seriously.