Monday, May 21, 2012
I wish I could say that I haven't been blogging because I won a trip to Portugal and have been hopping around Spain for the last couple of weeks. But the truth is, there has been a lot of life happening in the last couple weeks and not that kind of life. It's been the kind of life that includes death and grief and shifting work environments and failing at dieting and heavy self-realizations. It's been a constant push and pull between staying in the present moment and needing so badly to escape it. It has never been the busy moments in life that drive me nuts, but the moments in life where I am forced to sit still. And this month there have been a healthy dose of both. I am both connected and not, grounded and yet floating. I am walking on this earth while some days looking around and wondering just where the hell I am. And then there is the whole other element of being on this earth in New York City. The other day while coming out of an aggressive subway car, Mike said, "I need a break." It takes energy to live in this city and when life happens, this city can be very unforgiving. But it makes the moments when strangers are kind for no reason just that much more magical. It can make the offering of a subway seat a grand gesture. It can make the wave of a hand forgiving the five cents you can't find for that cup of coffee a great morning. It can make an open bench in a secret garden an invitation from the universe to rest yourself, a reminder that there are other powers at work.
In the spirit of those other powers at work, I have not wanted to be online these past couple weeks. I have wanted to be here, floating around, waiting for the rain to stop.