Friday, May 4, 2012
How To Be A Kite
This week has been an exercise in understanding a little bit more what I have power over and what I do not. And the truth is there is very little I have power over. I have power over what I put in my body and this week it's been homemade banana-chocolate-chip bread, lots of kale, french fries and a homemade soup. But even that feels like sometimes I am powerless over. I have power over whether I wake up at 5:45 or 6:45 and this week I have chosen to let my body sleep more and wake up an hour later. I have power over how warmly I dress but I don't have power over a change in weather. I am powerless over my gut reactions and powerless over unexpected heartaches. I am powerless over a cold, over allergies, over acne. The best I can hope for is taking extra care of myself and a good, albeit temporary, decongestant. I am powerless over other people's feelings and sometimes my own. I am powerless over other people. Period. I have the power to clip my fingernails or bite them, but the truth is I prefer to have something to bite on. I have the power to spend $2.25 on a cookie or not, and thankfully, I decided on not. I'm powerless over knowing when I need help but have the power to ask for it when it does occur to me. I am powerless over taking away someone's pain, but I can offer love, always. I am powerless over what life has in store for me, but I have the power to be open and welcome it and all of its uncertainty. I have the power to put one foot in front of the other, but I am powerless over anything that falls before me along the road. I have the power to stand on two feet, but I am powerless over how big the sun decides my shadow will be. I am powerless over my compulsion to want to feel powerful and control and pre-determine and manage outcomes and worry over the unknown and protect my heart from things that may hurt, but I'm learning how to accept things, accept life. I'm learning how to sit still and be a part of the world instead of trying to run it. It looks like a lot more fun to be a kite in the sky than an oil tanker in the sea.