Friday, February 3, 2012

Things I've Learned From Living in NYC


* The ability to identify the scent of a dead mouse

* How to dodge puke and dog shit while texting

* The perception that $1600 is "not bad" for a shoebox apartment in a "not bad" location

* I just can't wear heels

* If an entire bench is clear when you step on the subway, don't sit there

* Earthquakes CAN happen in New York

* The kinds of flip flops you wear in LA are not flip flops you can wear in NYC

* If you think that mentally ill homeless man is getting ready to spit on your pedicured bare feet in your skimpy LA flip flops, your instinct is correct

* Do not tell the cab driver that you are "going to Brooklyn." Instead say "7th Avenue," then get in the cab, close the door and add "in Brooklyn!"

* Movie theatres in New York will never add up to movie theatres is LA

* When you hear good music, give the man (or woman) a dollar!

* Do not give out money to anyone on the subway unless they just sang you a really good version of a Tracy Chapman song or did a back flip off the hand rail.

* You cannot wear short skirts and tight shirts together. In New York, you choose: tits or ass.

* Whatever you do, do not bite your fingernails, lest the bubonic plague befall you after riding a packed subway car.

* When people say "let's go to the beach!" they really mean "do you want to take a 2 hour train ride with me, spend 3-4 hours on the beach and then take a 2 hour train ride back with me today?"

* Explaining that you were late because of "train issues" always works

* New Yorkers don't give a shit about famous people

* Women here are normal-sized and they look damn good

* Always dress like you might run into someone you'd like to impress, because you will

*You can take a picture of any spot in NYC and with the clever use of Instagram or even not using an effect at all, make it look like art.

2 comments:

daleboca said...

I would add..
1. Never get involved in mothers cursing or fathers littering on the train unless you are ready to be reamed
2. Never litter no matter what
3. Picnic whenever possible
4. Take advantage of all of the free and/or inexpensive offerings in NYC- just because we live here does not mean we should not enjoy the city like tourists do!

Carmen said...

things i have learned since moving from nyc:
you will not find better public transportation