Friday, February 24, 2012

Me: The Richest Woman On The Planet

In planning my wedding, something really awesome has happened. My father and I are talking a lot more frequently. And not just about the wedding, but about regular life obstacles which is something I have always been able to talk to him about, but it feels different right now. When I share with him some of the stuff I am having difficulty with, like career goals and understanding where I'm headed, he doesn't tell me what to do. Not that he ever really did too much of that. But right now he just shares with me where he still experiences the same kinds of things. He tells me how he can relate with similar obstacles in his life right now. He reminds me that life is forever a mystery and we have no more control over individuals that frustrate us or hurt us than we do over where life is going to take us and what hurdles will come our way.

I have always wanted to be a writer. I went to school for it. I am always taking workshops. I'm in a writing group. I have a blog. But at 30, I am no fool and I know just how difficult it is to make a living at writing. And the living it may afford me, I'm not so sure I want anyway. When I told him this left me feeling a little aimless or unsure about what I could be passionate about then, in terms of a job and a career, you know that never-ending question: how do I make more money? which has a subtext question: How will I ever be able to raise a family?, he told me not to forget that I had a talent.

"I'm just not sure what it is," I told him and then he said one of the nicest things someone's ever sad to me.

He said, "Well, it starts with your heart. Writing is just a tool for that. But you have always had a big heart and the ability to touch people."

I'd be lying if I didn't get all teary eyed.  No one gets me like my dad can get to me. For as loud as my bark is, the truth is I have always been very sensitive. So much of the "toughness" I present to the world comes from having a heart that feels so much.

So, whether that truly is my talent or not, it was nice to hear and I don't feel embarrassed to share because it shows just what an awesome dad I have. I was recently thinking about how much kindness is overrated in today's world. When I talk to single women about the kind of partner they are looking for, kindness  is almost never on the list. There is always the physical, the superficial, the things that bring us happiness in the short term, that instant gratification. Or people want a "challenge,"someone who will challenge them, which can be interpreted in so many ways. But actual kindness is so overlooked, so under appreciated. We hold cynicism, wit, humor and looks far superior than being good-natured, giving, genuine and kind. And while I may not be able to see the kind of "career path" I'm on and while I may not be able to see where I'm headed in life, ever, I can say that in my life I have come to treasure kindness and honesty and sincerity.  I have been blessed with a father who is genuine and capable to express to me that he thinks my talent is a big heart. He also raised my brother to be a sensitive, caring man who opens the car door for his girlfriend and calls his sister just to see how she is doing with wedding planning. And while Mike and my Dad seem very different on the outside, at their core, they are the same kind of man. For myself, I don't know that I would have found a guy like Mike without having the kind of father I've been given. And for all the pain and loss that I have experienced in other areas of my life, all the frustrations and obstacles I am experiencing with career and finances, as far as the men in my life are concerned, I feel like the richest woman on the planet and that is enough to be grateful for- for a lifetime.

3 comments:

Carmen said...

nice picture. and nice homage to the men

...love Maegan said...

This is so sweet I got a little lump in my throat reading it ;) Congrats, by the way, on your engagement!

Lindsey said...

Thanks, Maegan!