Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Grandmother's Pearls

I bought a silk blouse a little while ago because I recently decided I'd like to dress a little nicer at work, a little nicer in life. The same way I cut bangs and painted my nails, I've been getting in touch with my girly side.

Last May, my grandmother passed away. Although I hate to say passed away as if she was sick or it was just her time. It was neither, but needless to say, she is gone now and I am left with questions, apologies, and fantasized memories that will never be tended to. Life is short, kids. Don't have any litter on the beach.

A month after she died, my mother took me to her safety deposit box and gave me a set of freshwater pearls that she had wanted to give me. I love pearls, something I discovered in my twenties and have only grown to love more and more. Pearls are odd, and old, and buried, and you have to work really hard to find them. They feel of the earth and yet look otherworldly.  They are soft and quiet and strong and remind me of some of the qualities I'd like to have a little more of.

I have worn these pearls a couple of times and I always get complimented on them. They overshadow almost any outfit. Today I thought I would try them with my silk blouse, but they still overshadowed the blouse. And considering I had corduroys on, I realized another fashion rule I will have to add to my list. You can't wear pearls and corduroy. So instead I opted for a chain necklace and fake pearl earrings to bring out the hints of white in the blouse. But after I took the pearl necklace off, I held them in the light streaming in through my bedroom and I was hit with this stomach punch of grief. This is the legacy of my grandmother. The grandmother I wish I knew better. The grandmother who was sophisticated and cultured and had class. The grandmother that kept a treasure for me that I would only find after she was gone. Sometimes the necklace makes me happy because it tells me that she loved me no matter how strained our relationship was. Other times it makes me sad when I'm in the mood of beating myself up over a loss I could have never predicted.

This morning, I felt both love and sadness. And corduroy still is more comfortable wear than a strand of pearls. So, I put those beautiful pearls away back into their secret hiding spot. But I still felt they deserved to be shared with the world.


Carmen said...

this is so nice! i think you already have a lot of pearl-like qualities.thank you for sharing

Lindsey said...

Thanks for reading & commenting!

Jenn and Casey said...

Aww..so beautiful. What a wonderful legacy to have, to learn from, and to move forward with! Pearls always look classy and wonderful to me, too.

SteveB said...

Beautiful remembrance and reflection. In a culture that gets all too wrapped up in "things", it is sometimes important to remember what a talisman some objects can be.

Maria said...

I've said it before, but this post made me want to say it again. KEEP WRITING.