Monday, January 31, 2011

Writing Prompt 20: All Day Long

All Day Long I look for ways to be busy. Whether it is with multi-tasking at work, reading scripts or books while at work, clicking back and forth between various websites, blogs, email accounts, visiting work friends or going for a walk, I am constantly engaged in something. I fear boredom. Boredom allows for self-criticism and if I sit still too long all I can think about is how I'm not adding up, how I should be doing more, how I am failing at my dreams.  After checking the balance on my student loans I struggle with accepting that though I have not missed a payment in eight years my principal balance has not budged. I put one more mountain in front of me that feels insurmountable. Hours later I find myself wiping two pocket folders with clorox wipes. I don't want anyone to have a finger print on their high gloss folders, so I'm wiping the folders wondering where the hell I went wrong, wondering why I am doing something no one asked me to do, wondering when I will stop feeling so damn sorry for myself. I have it good. It is me that makes the quiet unbearable. So I take a breath, and try to remember that simple stupid mantra: One Day At A Time.

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