Tuesday, August 31, 2010

the passing of august

When Reagan was president
and we had a backyard
one with a pool,
the month of august
never meant anything more than the barbecues and
swims crammed in before school.
The passing of august was marked by a series of birthdays and anniversaries.
the 15th was Gary, the 23rd was my parents, 25th was Shaun, 30th was Breanne
and then we slipped into September like a cat burglar
stealing summer's pearls.
august lost its appeal when the 8th became the day she left
and the 23rd became the day of silence.

i have never loved September,
marked by the first day of school for many different schools
a birthday during the first two weeks of school when i still didn't have any friends yet
a birthday forgotten
a birthday attempted
and eventually a perpetual and annual dose of birthday blues.
but the east coast gives September a spit polish.
the month filleted in front of us as summer and fall fight over breaking the wish bone.
September has always been a month of movement
the 8th marked by grandparent's wedding anniversary or maybe it was his birthday, the 11th her birthday, the 16th Gilen was born, 20th was mine and 21st was Gail's.
then grandpa died and the 8th was a day to call grandma and september 11th happened which was a day people began to call me.
and now the 20th again, shared with the only person I'd want to share it with.
mike and me having the same birthday was a thread of "unbelievable" information that kept us friends when we were living separate lives.
every now and then, i still get tickled, like a third grader with a crush, when i tell people that me and my boyfriend have the same birthday.
the last few with him have been pretty damn good.

so for this august,
i say do not go gently into the night
though please cool down
quickly.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

el duende

evoking
that which is not that nor this
more
of the ether
than of the earth

for some
a term for the soul
a term
for the heart

for me
a reminder
to go deep
and find
that which is not that nor this

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Monday, August 16, 2010

beach people

"maybe we are beach people," i say.
"i've always thought that," he says.
and after today, i confirm, that yes, i am beach people.
even in a sweatshirt, curled up in a sheet, i am happy at the beach
i am transported with the waves
i am renewed.
the more i get away from new york, the more i consider my life without so much....much
there is a part of me that wants to get quiet and the sea makes everything quiet.
i consider getting rid of facebook and blogs and emails and television and just being
-writing-
"i'm going to take the next year to find my writing life," i tell him
"cool" he says with a smile and a nod as if to say,
you are ready for your journey.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

so long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight...

i hate to go and leave this pretty sight...

my friend goes back to new orleans on friday.
this day came too soon and made me sad, but i was glad to have dinner with her tonight in dumbo.
we walked and talked along the waterfront with the brooklyn bridge in the background and then shared chips and salsa and drank a strong margarita each.
she is one of those friends where i can completely indulge myself with in a few hours of shop talk about writing.
we both are writers, each with our own struggles, and yet talking to the other seems to help iron out the problems we can't seem to fix in our own word lexicons.

she is also one of those friends who just gets what i'm talking about-all-the-time.
like a soul sister.

she is quite exceptional and her name is pretty awesome, too.

see you in nola, lindsay.

Monday, August 2, 2010

the year of elephants


i go to barnes & noble because it's that time of year again
time to buy a planner for the upcoming year and since my job is at a school,
my planner runs on an academic year and barnes & noble is full of academic planners.
i rush around the store looking for their summer display an finally come to the table full of planners.
this year, the selection is smaller,
but the designs are more interesting.
i look through everyone but all the while i know i am going to get the one that has the cover with elephants.
the elephants are each filled with an artsy design, all different shapes and sizes
some of the elephants are small, some small and some are holding each other's tails by their trunks
i get excited about this purchase, i get excited to fill the pages with dates and birthdays and things to do and notes
i walk away with an excitement i can't quite explain and i must remember this feeling when i find myself wanting a life without schedule and routine and stability.
i must remind myself that there is a very large part of me, perhaps bigger than the free-spirited part of me,
that loves loves LOVES a new planner.
on the subway ride home,  i begin filling in plans i have made and birthdays i can remember. i start to think about the year ahead and the year so far and i look back at the cover to admire the elephants
why was i drawn to these elephants?
certainly there were prettier designs
one had a beautiful silhouette of a peony
but there was something about elephants and these particular elephants that i wanted to see every day sometimes several times of days
and then it came to me, this is the year of elephants
so many huge events have already happened this year and so many more i feel are going to happen
and even at my lowest point, i feel a strength inside me that always comforts me, assures me, that no matter what i will always walk out of the fire
i like the elephant for its strength, its gentleness, its wildness, but also its memory.
the more i examined each elephant the more i felt at peace with the coming year
and maybe, just maybe, i'll create a couple stampedes of my own.