Tuesday, January 19, 2010

do i look like the kind of person who does yoga?

you can hear her heels from down the hall
she walks with purpose or perhaps an inflated sense of self
each heeling cracking over the linoleum floor like anvil on concrete
i know this girl, i think
they used to call me the enforcer
and two years ago i also said those same words
"do i look like a person who does yoga?"
when she says it to me, i laugh
no she does not
but neither did i and here i am
doing yoga
forcing myself to stop and really, really, really slow down
i have now been to five classes and i feel today i saw some improvement
i even had fun and laughed a little
i really listened to the teacher even though everything in my mind was telling him to shut up
they invite me to parties and environment activism parties but what really gets me is the supplies they are collecting for Haitians
it is not just money and it is not just in the hands of a blind charity
it is going to the hands of one of their students who has a non-profit in Haiti and will bring the supplies on Saturday
it might be small
the water i purchase or non-perishable foods,
but it feels better than money
even though i did that too
i want to go there but realize i would only be a nuisance, another body to feed, water, house-
it is nothing more than my own romanticized dreams of being a hero.
in class we learn a pose called "hero" and my legs feel good.
the next time she asks me if she looks like a person who does yoga,
i might just tell her, potentially.

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