Sunday, December 13, 2009

the holidays

sad shit happens around the holidays
and every christmas, after decorating a tree, if i have a tree that year, i sit back and stare at the hypnotic lights and find myself reminded of all those sad things
christmas was always hard for mom which subsequently made it hard for us
when i was eight i found her sobbing under the christmas tree and watched her rip off a miniature tree from the nativity set and smash the roof of the stable where little baby jesus was born
now, i can find something comical in this
but at the time i was just scared that now she ws going to go to hell
when is was fifteen, my father had just been forced to close his business and was in a fight with the city of los angeles.
on christmas eve, after leaving my aunt rose's house, a drunk driver side swiped us and ran a red light
my father, who at the time was a lunatic constantly walking the fine line of sanity, followed in pursuit and chased this drunk driver around crenshaw, cursing at him
thankfully, we never caught the guy. i'm not sure what my father would have done
but i have to say that was not the first chase i had been in the car with my dad
though he is funny and loving, and worked through a lot of his "issues"
he will always have that armenian temper that makes us all anthonys
two christmases ago, tom died just before christmas eve
and i felt my heart break in half
but i happened to be going to denver on christmas, tom's home town
because of this i was able to give his eulogy and say goodbye to the man that saved my family for all these years
this christmas i unpacked a christmas ornament that i made tom but was never able to give him. it still has his name on it.
it was the first ornament on mike's and my tree and damn it looks good
last night after flipping through these memories, each brought on by a different light, mike pulled me close to him on the futon and we admired our tree together and fell asleep
i think this year is going to be a good one

1 comment:

Mike said...

Yes it does look good and it is going to be a very good xmas indeed.