Monday, June 29, 2009


It has taken be my surprise just how upset I have been over Michael Jackson's death.
I was at a bar when the news spread like wild fire and at first I didn't believe it.
Then I felt something in my gut drop and I covered up with a sarcastic comment about how sad that was but how fucked up he was.
Then the news changed and people said he was in the hospital.
Then it was confirmed. Michael Jackson is dead.
And the world started to weep.
The whole weekend radio stations played his songs while Mike and I moved into our new apartment and I stayed up washing dishes while singing all of my favorite songs that I obsessively listened to as a kid.
The more songs that came on the radio, the more I got upset, saddened, and remembered things that were long forgotten.
Like how I used to watch "Moonwalker" every day after I came home from school.
The choreography to "Smooth Criminal" in that movie is by far one of the best dances EVER.
If I knew how to upload it, I would, but for now, please check out this link.
Michael Jackson was the greatest star of all time as well as the most controversial and perhaps most disturbed. If you've ever seen his video to "Leave Me Alone" there is something chilling. This was a man that was created and destroyed by the very culture that loved him so much. We all know the story, we all saw the descent. But how fortunate for us that we are left with such an amazing musical mark in history that touched so many, influenced an entire culture and inspired people to "Heal the World," Stop and look at the "Man in the Mirror," and was one of the first artists to force people to look at the situation in Africa. One fan can only hope, that the good that this artist brought to the world will be more remembered than the craziness and controversy he is more often associated with. Michael Jackson will forever me be one of my most favorite and admired artists and I hope that he is finally getting the peace he was nevver afforded in this life.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

why i play

for the love of it
the sport of it
the smell of sweat and the taste of blood
to see how much i can take
to see how i pick myself up and do it again
to remember my family
to remember what my brother and i survived and honor how we did it
to connect everything inside and outside of me in an hour put aside where all i think about is exactly what is before me
to laugh
to cry
to scream
and laugh again
to keep moving forward
to fulfill something that immediately goes missing again once i step off that field
to run myself ragged just like i did as a kid, with bruises and scrapes and sore muscles
and then see if i can do it just a little while longer
to play with people who in those moments are my true best friends because we all are working towards the same thing, we all are loving the same challenge
i play for me and for the feeling it gives me, good and bad
and for the beat my heart skips when the kick off whistle blows
i play for all the same reasons i did when i first started and something about that makes me feel just a tiny bit closer to home.

Friday, June 12, 2009

how to say i love you

"do you want to watch 30 Rock?

"i do, but i should work a little bit more. my space is a mess."

"i'm only saying this because i love you...but, your space is always going to be a mess."

we both laugh. he continues...

"but look at me, hey, i've accepted it. if you look at my space-"

"its spotless, always."

"but its okay. i never say anything to you because i know that that is you."

"how can you NOT say anything? how can you stand it?"

"because i think the sun shines out of your ass."

i recognize the line from juno, but something about it makes me melt and i realize it is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. we clear our dinner plates and watch a repeat of 30 Rock.