Friday, March 27, 2009

Ode To Brit


I have a secret that I have been hiding and yet relishing every second of...
For the past month I have been listening to Britney Spears for the first time in my life and in the last week have been hitting repeat on three of her songs.
I have been repeating them so much that they have started soundtracking pieces of New York for me. When Ms. Brit first came on the scene, I immediately rejected her. I was cooler than bubble gum pop. I listened to Pearl Jam and Fiona Apple. I thought Britney's music was shallow and really bad. I judged this girl.
But when Britney started to fall apart, she finally became interesting. She became real, alive, a breathing woman with layers and complexities. At first I probably thought she was looking for attention: a starlet fallen out of the spotlight. But when she shaved her head, I thought, "Damn. She is not kidding." I followed the Britney tabloids, though I found them shameful. But it felt as if we were all watching a train wreck that we, as a society and culture, created. There was something so vulnerable and honest and hideous and frightening about this sex icon, pop legend, come completely undone.
Only now, as I listen to an album that is not new anymore, but new to me, do I appreciate and respect this artist. Sure, the lyrics are given to her, the music is manufactured, but there is something eerily powerful about hearing her sing, "Piece Of Me."Fame is murder and it takes a brave woman to rise from the ashes of world wide humility to try again for something she loves and hates but even moreso may not completely understand. It is ambition of the fiercest kind.
Cheers, Brit.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Dear Dumpstaphunk,

Can I have my hearing back, please?

Thanks.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

dare i say "spring"

it is finally starting to warm up here
which means i am finally starting to mellow out
i had underestimated how great weather affects me...effects or affects?
i think either might work
the tree in our backyard has some tiny white buds on it
and i can finally go outside in a fleece rather than a down comforter
for spring break, i decided to stay home for a week which has turned out to be a good decision
it also turns out to be my only option since i learned that i had $40 for the week
note to self: don't ever buy $100 vespa raffle tickets. you won't win.
note to self: look for a different insurance plan if possible.
i spent over $125 on prescriptions alone this month. what gives blue cross?
despite my financial troubles, or really my troubles at understanding money, my money in particular, i am happy to have a week by myself.
mike is working, i have no car, so i must depend on my legs or a taxi service to get to where i want and there is something very liberating about that.
i feel like i am truly resting, and more importantly relaxing, something mike has been grateful more
"you're smiling more," he said to me last night.
it made me wish i could get to this state more often, if not for me than for him
i found all these old pictures of us from our first round of dating and was filled with this gratitude that we actually had come back together even after all the shit we went through
it made me remember how special this is and i found myself in complete awe of him again.
he really floats my boat.
on to reading now, vacation awaits.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

four out of five...

five out of twenty
twenty out of six hundred
its a shame when we don't read things correctly
i swore i saw "Finalist" next to my name because why else would they list the top five stories if all five wouldn't move on?
It turns out just the first two move on.
Disappointment.
But for two days, I thought I was a "finalist" and man I felt good.
Sometimes, I like my dyslexia and to me, i still think i'm a finalist.

Monday, March 2, 2009

burn out

i didn't think this would happen
maybe i didn't think it was capable
but my incessant bitching should have clued me in
i am burnt out of everything
i don't want to write or read anything
i just want to lay on the couch and watch "House."
snow days are awesome.