Thursday, December 4, 2008

the question of ambition

the current issue of vanity fair has a stunning spread of kate winslet with a rather short interview.
the quote they choose to put in bold large font running across one of her pictures reads something like:
"i never really had any ambitions...i was fat."
i read about how she never really had an ambitions because she was a fat girl and she never saw any fat actresses. she now holds the record for being one of the youngest stars in hollywood to earn five best actress nominations.
i read an article from a published writer who talks about how great it is to a young writer
an unpublished writer where you have no audience, no expectations, and are still developing your voice
writing just to write
there is something to be said about the absence of ambition
ambition can be blinding, narrowing, punishing
it can drive you
but what if you can't see the course?
what if the drive is what is in the way?
i can remember a time when i just wrote because i had to.
because i didn't feel write unless i had.
but as soon as someone told me i had "talent"
as soon as i had some "success"
writing became something i feared
something that had the power to hurt me
after many years of failures and or just short of failures
maybe it was many years of incomplete pieces
i feel like i have finally found the love of writing again
the reckless abandonment i once had with it
and perhaps it is because my ambition has opened itself up to the possibilities of other endeavors.
or perhaps i have been humbled my blind ambition and now have a greater appreciation for what is.

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