Saturday, December 6, 2008

in bloom

"i think i like him"
"thats awesome! i think thats the first time i've heard you say that in maybe years"
she gives a demure laugh
"i know...and then we made out for like an hour"
to have sex with someone can be as casual as a handshake
a risky business transaction
and if both people get off than you know it was a good one
but to makeout with someone is something...
"this is going to sound kind of skanky, but i like this one..i don't want to do that," she responds to my careless joke about the potential of kicking her roommate out to have the room alone with him.
i start to see my friend as the beautiful vulnerable girl that exists within her
but sometimes only comes out in small doses
kind of like a flower that only blooms in the winter
a flower that can go for months or years without tender love
or thoughtful care or even attention
but still finds the fortitude and light to bloom in the darkest of days
resilient in her belief that all people are good they just need a chance
strong like the lonely flower that refuses to be suffocated by an earth that just doesn't see life the way she does...
our conversation drifts and i can tell she is tired but in that dreamy cloud nine kind of tired
i can feel her glow over a genuine crush reaching through the phone
i hang up ecstatic at the idea that my friend has a crush!
and i am sixteen all over again
sometimes i wish we had known each other during that time
but then i realize that maybe our friendship is special because we didn't know each other at those times, but rather these times
the twenties
like a second puberty or aimless search
both just as frustrating, both just as frightening, both just as exciting...
i find myself getting butterflies for milady
and it is not so much that she has a crush
it is not about her talking sincerely about a boy in a long time
or about her having some passionate loving
it is because it is winter and the flower is blooming.

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