Monday, November 10, 2008

exchange time

i am nauseas
i am in pain
i am angry and tired
i am trying my best to answer each call with a well-hidden contempt
but after three in a row, four will just get attitude
"i have to start looking for another job."
"okay," she says and something about the way she says it makes it feel like a dare
like this is a "shit or get off the pot" moment
i confess later to her that part of my anger is that i know i can't quit until i have something else lined up
and she agrees cause she knows
and i am starting to see her as someone i could really become close with
she is no bullshit and i for me, i think that is becoming the most important quality a friend could possess
i realize suddenly that i owe her an overdue thank you
her and her mother
and it strikes me that i have maybe been a little too self-possessed or maybe just too distracted that i had let this slip past me for a few days too long
i am starting to see that the best part of my day is the time she comes and sits with me
and the laughs we exchange in our stories of love's labor and the pursuit of happiness
i am starting to be thankful for finding such a great treasure in what i have been bitching about as a boring bullshit job
i am remembering to stay focused on the positive and perhaps more will come my way.

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