Monday, July 14, 2008

young bucks

"i just can't see myself ever saying, 'This is home. This is where I'm going to plant my roots.' i don't know. maybe i still need to grow up."
"or maybe we're the ones that have it all figured out and everyone else has it wrong."
he nods in a greement and says something to the effect of, "i like the sound of that."
we drink beers and take in the breez after a long day and even longer weekend.
"maybe we can just not have kids and keep moving whenever we feel like it."
"that's definitely an option."
"but then i feel like we'd miss out on one of the bigger purposes in life."
"yeah...we could have one and just dram 'em along with us."
"yeah...but i think it would be unfair to not give them siblings."
and before long we are talking about the logistics of the imaginary family we may or may not have.
i feel old and young at the same time.
the conversation circles back to the eternal question we both have that has not been answered yet for either of us, though it becomes clear to me that he is okay with living in the incertainty and I am slighlty embarassed of my neverending search for certainty.
i take a moment and let the idea of accepting and living in the uncertain sink in
and for a moment I am at peace
i step into the present moment and my forhead relaxes, my eyebrows unfurrow causing my eyes to recognize just how tired they are
a young buck reemerges but this time is followed by two fawn
i wonder where the mother is
we watch a crane stand as still as can be wondering if it is fishing
it takes flight and i am in awe of where i am in time at this particular moment in my life
i wonder if i woke up everyday and first said "thank you," if my self-imposed stress would take a back seat as opposed to a passenger seat in my morning commute.

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